Join me on a journey of embracing YOU.
Let's take a look at the onion.
The onion’s outer layer is thin, flaky and peelable, right? Well, once you’ve peeled back that flaky first layer, there is a layer of a thicker skin. And underneath, there is yet another thicker skin with a strong aroma. If you continue peeling back each layer, you will eventually reach the strong core of the onion. What does this mean? Why is this onion essential to this story?
The onion represents you.
Here is my story. Above, I introduced you to the onion’s fragile and brown outer skin. That skin represents my observation of how people perceive me. They seem to notice my hearing aids and then they automatically regard me as a fragile, hard of hearing woman of color - when although I may have started out fragile, today, I am anything but that limited description. Honestly, for the first 31 years of my life, I did not embrace, nor did I accept, the term deaf, so instead, I opted to call myself “hard of hearing”. Although I grew up with wonderful parents and two brothers in a lovely, country setting - they knew minimal American Sign Language. Thankfully, we were still able to communicate effectively like the general population, because I could talk and lip-read very well when I was wearing my hearing aids. Still, books and journals became my best friends, so as I grew up, I retreated to reading and writing - my passion.
Once the onion’s brown layers have been removed, the layer of the onion with the strong scent is revealed - this symbolizes the 7-year career that I held working with Deaf employees. During my tenure, I learned so much about audism and oppression, a spectrum of hearing loss, and my identity.
The onion’s odor represents the tumultuous battleground of my career and how I’ve had to travel through valleys, while being gnawed and bitten at by metaphorical animals and insects - which represent the many people and circumstances that attempted to block me. Throughout my career, I’ve tripped and fallen countless times until I could only scream to God, “Who am I?!” and “Why is this happening to me?!”. Through the blood and tears, I was eventually able to pick myself up and continue with my journey after God gave me the strength to stop the bleeding, wash off my bruises and grow through the pain. I was empowered by my faith to climb the valley’s stoney steps knowing that ultimately there is a breakthrough on the other side, and it is waiting just for me.
Now, when we continue peeling our figurative onion, we finally reach the center. The heart of the onion is the core - and this is my favorite part. Eventually, I began to find the Ana that I desire to be. My heart has been revealed to me and I have learned, not just WHO I am, but WHOSE, I am - and that is God’s child. After seven years, I decided that it is okay to label myself as deaf and become empowered by it. When I did that, I bloomed into a beautiful woman with a big heart, who also knows how to communicate by speaking and lip-reading while wearing hearing aids. I am NOT the fragile, hard of hearing woman of color that people assume me to be. I am strong, capable and empowered. I am a warrior who’s weathered through the most challenging hardships.
Now let's start with you.
Prepare your favorite beverage (mine is either coffee or tea).
Find a place to sit, where you are comfortable with minimal distractions.
Grab your journal (notebook or piece of paper)
Write down the "outer brown layer" on the left side of the paper.
Next to the word, on the right side of the paper - write down how people see you.
Then, on the next line, write down the "white layer with a strong aroma" on the left side of the paper.
Next to the word on the right side of the paper, please write down your struggles and describe an atmosphere where you couldn't be who you are (it could be your family, household, workplace, specific circumstances, etc.)
On the next line, write down – "Heart of the onion" on the left side of the paper.
Next to the word, write down the type of a person that YOU desire to be on the right side of the paper.
This journal entry is personal. No one needs to see your journal entries, unless you give them permission to read it.
This journey belongs to you, not anyone else.
– Ana Price
Now, how do you feel? Meditate today on the person that you desire to become. Be sure to write down your dreams and thoughts because when you write things down, it becomes real; and then it will turn into action. Also remember that it is okay to cry during journaling, as this is a part of healing. It is okay to write negative words of anger, bitterness, resentment, pain, and hurts - as this is part of recovery. You are releasing and opening yourself on a piece of paper. The journal is your outlet and safe place. Keep writing it all out, and you will feel better. You are being your own friend.
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