Have you felt like you have been thrown away in the garbage or treated like a rag doll?
If yes, you are not alone. This “letter” is for you. I want to enlighten you with my story that may inspire you.
Have you developed a pattern of putting yourself and your needs last? Have you ever felt like your feelings were dirty, so instead of confronting them, you pushed the feelings of pain, resentment, anger and bitterness into a pile within the recesses of your mind? Have you felt thrown away, as though you were only a rag doll, meant for nothing more than garbage?
If yes, you are not alone. This “letter” is for you. It is my story and I hope it provides you with inspiration.
I have experienced negative situations with people who I thought were my friends, colleagues, supervisors, and acquaintances, where they continuously stabbed me with painful words and actions. I’ve been wrongly blamed/accused, scolded, lied on, reprimanded and betrayed. As a result, I lost myself. I isolated myself from people, so I would not have to face additional pain. I wept and screamed - eventually hitting rock bottom. I lost the energy to get up each day to tackle my daily duties and routines, leading me to ultimately resort to food as an outlet. I became a food addict. I also resorted to sleeping because sleep seemed to help me escape from reality and pain. Did it help? NO. I gained a significant amount of weight and I continued to lose motivation because I’d taken residence within my bubble and within the lows of my valley. I piled my pain, regrets, and painful memories into a monstrous, dirty heap. The smell was horrendous, and I could not see the other side. I avoided the pile and I dreaded to take even one small piece from the mound, in order to begin healing. Eventually, I decided to move forward. I knew that I needed to get myself out of the valley. I had to do whatever it took - walk, climb, or crawl- to emerge from the low space.
Reader, people and circumstances will hurt you to strengthen you. People and events are your teachers. People and circumstances are your tests. They are to test your faith and strength. They are to make you stronger. They are to shape your character and identity. I know that it is painful to replay hurtful events, words, and actions - but you must go through it to move past it! Flashbacks and nightmares are real, but they teach you to let go, retrain your brain to shift into positive thoughts. Embrace yourself during your healing journey! It takes time. One day at a time. One step at a time. Keep putting your foot in front of the other. It is okay if you did take a couple of steps backward. When you do, take a break. Breathe. Refocus on your surroundings.
Below is what I learned from my experience of being in the valley and how I took pieces from the pile, one at a time, in order to heal.
I learned to write down what is bothering me.
I learned to write letters to myself and respond to my letters with advice, love, and care.
I learned to embrace daily planners. I LOVE to document my new routine and new goals of the day, week, and month.
I learned to vent and cry in my journal because it is my safe space, and I am not hurting anyone in the process.
I learned to write down three things that I am grateful for at the end of the day. If I am able to list 3 grateful items, I, indeed, had a great day.
I learned to write down the names of people who believe in me. Focus on those people. Connect with those people.
I learned to forgive those people who hurt me. I knew that forgiveness is for my healing. It does not mean that I invite the hurtful people back into my life. It helps me to let them go.
I learned to be magnanimous toward those who hurt me.
I learned to build a relationship with myself.
I learned to be my own friend.
I learned to write down positive affirmations about myself. I recite those affirmations daily.
Reader, this is a journey, not a destination. This is between you and God. This is between you and you. ☺ You deserve to be loved, treated with quality care and attention, and be valued with respect. In order to make this happen, you must know yourself better than others. There is no other like you.
TRY THIS:
Is there a favorite coffee place that you love? Do you have a favorite restaurant?
Take a day or two each week to go to a coffee place or restaurant alone. Take your journal with you and have a date with yourself. Having coffee or a meal alone is therapeutic. You may feel awkward. You may feel lonely. You may thank me later. I do know this: You will leave the café or restaurant feeling renewed. Try it and let me know the outcome!
Love and hugs,
Ana
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