“I expect you to hug me every day after you get home from work.” “I expect dinner to be cooked on time every night.”
“I expect (fill in the blank).”
Do any of those phrases sound familiar to you, reader? There are various connotations behind the word “expectations” and each one is extremely thought-provoking. People expect certain things from each other; whether the certain thing is tangible or emotional. Let’s look at the question, “Why do we expect certain things from people?”
The answer? To regain control and fill in the void.
That’s it.
I want to illustrate an example:
Personally, I expect food and attention from specific people. Receiving attention is a salve to my inner pain to ensure I am valid, and that I am important in their life. Food helps me to stay grounded and comforts the inner pain.
If people and things do not meet my expectations, do you know what happens? I become angry. That anger then causes me to lash out and become bitter. I would bleed on people who did not hurt me. Period.
Take a look at this graphic of the “Cycle of Expectation.”
Do these points sound familiar to you? It is true. Anger and bitterness stems from not having needs (expectations) met.
Over the years of learning about communication with people, I discovered the golden key to having a successful relationship with self and people. The golden key is: Stop having expectations.
YOU are the only source that can make you happy.
YOU have the power to make decisions that are healthy for yourself.
YOU have the power to do what YOU want to do for yourself.
YOU have the power to change situations and attitudes.
Friend, having expectations can wreck relationships. People will always disappoint you, even your beloved partner/spouse! Even your children! Even your boss. Even your coworkers. Even your leaders! People will always disappoint you when they do not meet your expectations. This is exactly why it is important to stop having expectations.
Here is a challenge: Try for 30 days not to expect things from people. Try it! You will see how much more peaceful your life is. You will see that your relationships will blossom into new levels. You are worth it. You are worth loving yourself.
Love,
Ana
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