Over the years, I’ve had many “mom-talks” with other mothers where we’ve discussed the challenges (and rewards!) of motherhood. Oftentimes, these discussions lead to us speaking certain phrases like:
"I cannot wait for my son to grow up and move out of the house."
"My daughter and I butt heads. Whew. She is quite challenging."
"Man, it is so laborious to raise kids!"
"I need a break."
Reader, being a mom is a complex (and often thankless) job. So, I too, have been guilty of chiming in on some variations of the words spoken above. I want you to know that if you’ve uttered or thought any of these things, you are not alone. Being a mother is challenging - but it’s also such a gratifying duty that we are blessed to have. My son is twelve years old and will turn thirteen in a mere two months. My daughter is eight years old and full of beautiful energy.
Currently, I am sitting here reminiscing over the memories that I have made with my son and daughter. I asked myself these questions:
What are some of the traditions that we have created together?
What are my children's most memorable recollections of our time together?
What is their favorite childhood memory?
Thinking about these things cause me to gasp because not only did I not know the answers, but I realized that time is ticking by really fast. Too fast. At that moment, I made a decision. I asked myself, What lesson did I learn from this realization?
I acknowledged that complaining about children is disturbing. Period. Imagine how my children would feel if they heard the remarks about them? Why did I say this?
Complaining about my children is a reflection of myself. It is about me, not them. What is or was going on inside of me? What transpired within me that led me to complain about my precious children? Ouch, right?
Being a mother is an arduous job, but is complaining about your children the solution to make the job easier? The answer is a flat-out and resounding no. I want to share with you pieces of wisdom I learned from my kids.
"Mom, you are always the best mom, even when you're angry."
"Mom, you always taught me it is about them, not about me.'"
"Mom, I always know you love me. You are always there for me."
Now, let's talk about the challenges. When kids lash out, misbehave or disrespect you, it is about them not having their needs met. They may not feel heard or seen. Think about that. When was the last time you had a date with your child? When was the last time you sat in their bedroom to talk and listen? When was the last time you said, "I love being your mom" to your child?
Transparent moment: I am addicted to my cell phone and electronic devices. When my kids tell me that, do you know what I do? I hide my cell phone in my bedroom drawer and spend time with my children. My laptop is plugged in to charge, and it's turned off. My children are more important than my phone and laptop.
At bedtime, I charge my phone in the kitchen to help me not to be on the phone immediately when I wake up. It is so important to take care of me first. Refill my cup. So I can pour my time, energy, and LOVE onto my children.
Another thing I have done was to PLAY with my children. They make me laugh. They make me smile. They inspired me to write this blog post! Create and think of a tradition you can do with your children! For example --- every Sunday is a lazy day in our house. We watch movies, bake, and cook together. We even dance to YouTube music! My daughter loves to play card games on most evenings before bed.
I need to create innumerable traditions with my kids so they can treasure their childhood! I want to be the legacy they can pass down to their children.
Lily of the Valley Wisdom-- Just be you. Relax. Be in the present. Focus on your children. They grow fast. My son will only be twelve years old once. My daughter will be eight years old once. Your phone and laptop can wait. It is not about making sure the house is sparkling clean every single day. It is not worth complaining about your children. Think of solutions. It is about creating memories with your children. It is about your children getting excited to spend time with you. Think about that. Go and be the mom (or parent) your children need you to be.
-Ana
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