Dear friend,
In the last two weeks, the concept of friendship has been occupying my thoughts more than usual. I have been reflecting on the traits and roles that define a genuine friendship.
If you haven't read my blog post on being a friend to oneself, I highly recommend you do. It's been two years since I wrote it, and it serves as a crucial foundation for understanding the value of self-friendship.
To be a good friend to others, it is important to first learn how to be a friend to yourself.
This is an important reminder that we should all strive to live by.
To start off, I would like to delve into the three types of friends that exist. I have personally categorized my friends into three distinct groups, which has helped me understand who my true friends are and how much information I should share with them.
The first group is acquaintances.
An acquaintance is someone with whom I maintain a polite and courteous relationship. While I am not necessarily close to them, I am always kind and gentle in my interactions with them.
I find it crucial to establish clear boundaries. I tend to refrain from divulging personal information or recounting intimate life experiences and stories with them. Our conversations are typically brief and simple, often revolving around topics such as family, the weather, or upcoming plans. Despite not being particularly close, I hold no ill feelings or grudges towards them, and always maintain a level of respect and civility.
I feel grateful to have a group of individuals who fit this description, and it brings me a feeling of contentment. These individuals include the mothers of my daughter's friends, the mothers of my son's basketball team members, and my colleagues, to name a few. I hold these individuals in high regard and truly appreciate their unique qualities.
The second category is true friends.
A true friend is someone with whom I can share the intimate details of my life and have engaging conversations over a cup of coffee. These are the people I interact with on a regular basis, and I trust them implicitly. I feel comfortable being my authentic self around these friends, without any need for pretense. That's why I chose to use the word "true" in describing them.
I also refer to these particular individuals as my "inspirational friends." The reason is, they motivate me with their own personal stories of triumph and perseverance. Their struggles have taught me valuable life lessons, and their genuine nature is something I truly admire.
The third group is close and/or best friends.
A close and/or best friend is someone whom I can entrust with my deepest secrets, struggles, and victories. Establishing a deep and meaningful close/best friendship requires a significant investment of time and energy, often requiring the cultivation of mutual trust and respect over the course of several years.
There is a story that always remains fresh in my memory. I met this friend when I was just 17 years old and had minimal knowledge of sign language. Despite this barrier, we hit it off immediately, and one night we spent the entire night chatting away at the movies. As time went on, we attended college together and shared countless experiences, always being there for each other through thick and thin.
However, I must admit that I wasn't always the best friend to this person.
Over time, I hurt this person in various ways, causing a strain in our once-close friendship. After several years of growing apart, our paths crossed again, and we reconnected. We reminisced about old times, including some of our most embarrassing moments. It was during this conversation that I realized the power of self-friendship. I needed to learn to be a friend to myself before I could truly be a good friend to others.
Despite the hurt that I had caused, this person never judged me and never gave up on our friendship. In fact, this person taught me so much about myself and held a mirror up to me that allowed me to see how I had mistreated others.
To this day, this person remains one of my close/best friends.
In conclusion, dear friend, I hope that my thoughts on three different types of friendship have given you some insight into the importance of cultivating meaningful friendships in your life.
Be a friend to yourself first. Self-friendship is the foundation for a healthy and fulfilling friendship.
Whether you have a wide circle of acquaintances, several true friends, or just a few close/best friends, cherish those friendships.
It is absolutely okay if you prefer not to share personal details with acquaintances because maintaining your privacy is an important aspect of your life.
It's perfectly okay if you find it difficult to categorize your friends. Just remember, time is a precious gift, so take as much as you need.
At 40 years old, it has taken me a while to figure out who I truly consider my friends and how to distinguish between them. So, you are not alone.
Only you can determine who to call a friend and how to categorize them. Remember, the journey of friendship is yours to own.
And always remember, true friends will never judge you and give up on you, even in the face of adversity.
Love,
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