Weeds

Repeatedly reflecting over past events has been proven to be extremely frustrating and cumbersome. Trust me, I know firsthand how it feels to be in situations where you just want the flashbacks to stop! Have you ever felt this way, friend? Have you ever pondered over and over, "When will these thoughts stop?" "When will I sleep again?" and "When will I feel normal?"

I have experienced having frequent nightmares. I would have lucid nightmares each night about a specific event that felt “real” each time. It honestly felt like I was IN a Lifetime movie. As a result, I would wake up feeling tired and exhausted. I became a crabby woman all day! Can you relate to this?

Memories of unfortunate events are like seeds growing its roots - but my mind was full of weeds!

Reader, I have had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2015. Yes, I am using the past tense, had, because I am HEALED from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I want to share my story with you. My goal is to inspire you, knowing that you can and will be healed after reading my story. So, grab a blanket and a cup of tea, and enjoy.

Today, it was hot and humid and I was pulling weeds in the stifling heat with my husband. The prickly weeds were not a joy to pull! My husband and I had to use heavy-duty gloves to remove them. The weeds were recalcitrant, so we had to use a mini shovel to dig around the weeds so that we could pull them out by their roots. Ground bees found their way to "threat" us. My husband would gently run while I would slowly back away from the bees due to my bee allergy.

While waiting for the bees to "calm down," I had a light bulb moment! An AH! Moment! Three days ago, I had watched the Real Talk PTSD series and I spiritually fasted to break away from PTSD. PTSD is a response to a traumatic event or events. I had PTSD from five main events:

1) Driving

2) My mother's death

3) Relationships

4) Workplace violence

5) Cancer

I want to share with you briefly and in pieces about each traumatic event and how it adversely affected the people I love as well as myself. I will elaborate more about these events in my book, titled I AM ME. Stay tuned for the new book release!

Let's start with driving: I was in the passenger’s seat, and my husband was driving. My husband stopped at a stop sign. There was a car in front of us. The driver in the car moved forward slowly then he abruptly stopped. All I saw was the bright red lights on the vehicle in front of me. Wait a minute – I’ll back up - before the vehicle in front of us abruptly stopped, my husband drove forward to follow the vehicle. When their vehicle unexpectedly stopped, our vehicle slid into the rear of the car in front of us. Now, the red brake lights are a trigger to me when I drive because of this incident. Thankfully, although the car we impacted had a vast noticeable dent, no one was hurt. When my husband drives, any time I see a red light on the back of the car – my heart always skips a beat, and my hands sweat.

Mother's Death: I was informed that my mother had cancer – unfortunately, she’d kept this medical condition a secret. No one in our family knew. While my mother was dying at the hospital, all I could remember was my mother's face. It was extremely pale. The odor and sounds from the ICU room where my mother stayed were additional memories - including the sounds from the machines and chatter from people in the room visiting my mother. I was feeling anger, hurt, bitterness, and sadness. Those emotions were overwhelming. Anytime I would hear an ambulance, I would think of mom, even though I was never in the ambulance with her. Anytime I see the word "ICU", I would think of my mother. Anytime I would hear beeping in the hospital from the machines, I would think of her. Depression and extreme anxieties were my traumatic responses to those flashbacks.

Relationships: I had lost friendships and I had to make the decision to cut off friendships and certain people who were stealing my peace. I had lost trust in people. So, in a nutshell, I have been betrayed, lied to, treated like a ragdoll, and people slammed the metaphorical doors in my face. Making new friendships was hard because I am extremely private, so being open about my personal stories would scare me because of the potential rejection. I had a constant fear of what people thought of me. As a result, I received statements, such as, "you are not a good friend," "you are too reserved," "you don't know how to be a friend," or "that's why you don't have friends."

Workplace Violence: As a growing leader, I have been mistreated by my supervisors. I experienced the true meaning of crab theory. My supervisor's lack of response(s), slammed hands on the table, facial expressions, silent treatment, and more are triggers for me. When I would strive to be who I am, I would get pulled down. When I achieved something great, I received no recognition and praise. When I worked hard on a project or a particular task, someone else would receive the credit instead of me. When I worked in my office, I would feel like an invisible person because they socialized and worked with others and excluded me.

Friend, now I’ve shared with you pieces of my story. Triggers are good because you acknowledge that they are thorns. What is important is how you would respond to the triggers. At first, I would overthink and make the triggers bigger than they really are. For years, I would daydream and have nightmares about them and the nightmares would turn into delusions.

I want to share with you the remedy to get rid of PTSD or HEAL from PTSD.

Let's go back to my AH! Moment while pulling weeds. I found my healing balm to PTSD! Here is the breakdown of the lesson I learned from pulling weeds:

The Bees – triggers

The annoying prickly weeds – trauma events

The shovel – to extract the roots of trauma

To SLOWLY back away from the bees – acknowledging the triggers and use HEALTHY coping skills.

So, friend, the first step to begin your healing journey from PTSD is to be the shovel. Dig out the roots. The roots are growing in your mind in a very unhealthy way.

Heck! You don't want to hear buzzing from the bees all day and night long. You don't want to be stung by the bees when they attack you. The stings are the results of not dealing with the PTSD head on. Examples of stings could be chronic illnesses, chronic headaches, weight gain, insomnia, anger outbursts, to name a few! You do not want your mind to be filled with the ugly, annoying prickly weeds. You are longing for a peaceful night's slumber to dream GOOD aspirations for your future.

The second step of healing is to create and nurture healthy coping skills. Great news, my friend! My new journal, Lily of the Valley Journal, will be released SOON. So, friend, writing is fundamental. Remember, writing is between you and yourself. No one needs to read your journal. Find a hobby that you love. Walking is an excellent hobby. Smell the fresh air after you walk. Walk for 5-10 minutes and see how you feel afterward. You will feel like a brand-new person. Go for a swim. Bake or cook gratifying, nutritious comfort foods. Watch a movie that will make you LAUGH and feel good about yourself. There are several feel-good movies on Netflix.

Friend, begin your new journey today to live free from PTSD. If you need further support, please do not hesitate to send me a message. I am your cheerleader. If I can be healed from PTSD…you can be healed too! I want to reassure you that it is OKAY to have erred throughout the journey. This is part of the process. To be healed from trauma does not mean it is done forever. It is a daily process—one day at a time. To be healed from PTSD denotes that you respond to the triggers in a healthy and loving way.

Live freely and be kind to yourself.

Love,

Ana