Today, I am enjoying a peaceful and still moment to myself while sitting outdoors at my family’s cottage. I am absorbing the gentle breeze and listening to the wind while the sounds of the ruffling leaves comfort me. The wind causes the trees and shrubs to gently sway back and forth and from a distance, I hear my children’s laughter as they play together. Their smiles - this moment - is a treasure to remember.
I look at my children in awe and marvel at how much fun they’re having. When was the last time I acted like a kid? When was the last time I laughed and smiled ear to ear? When was the last time I acted like a goofball?
The word, “Play” has a powerful ring to it. Play, what does this term really mean? According to the online dictionary, the definition for “play” is to exercise or employ oneself in diversion, amusement, or recreation. Wow! I had to do an inventory of myself. What am I doing with my time? How am I using my time? What and how am I allowing myself to divert my mind from tedious or serious matters? Most importantly, when was the last time I played from the desires of my heart?
Or…How about this? When was the last time I played for myself…not just for the kids’ sake?
Okay, reader. I want to share something with you. I am a mother to two beautiful children. My daughter is 8 years old and growing like a beautiful flower and my son beams and shines radiantly at the age of 12 years old. As I sit here on the lawn chair, I begin to ruminate on my kids when they were only newborns. I asked myself this question, “Am I a good mom?” Or “Was I a good mom?” “What does it mean to be a mom?” “How can I be a mom?” Those questions pierced my heart with deep sadness and regrets. Why? Truthfully, my answer to those questions was I was not a good mom because I spent so many days and weeks focusing on my inner pain and trying to find my identity. I had allowed work and technology to consume my time. I remember a time when my children would say, “You like work more than your kids.” or “You are on the phone more than you spend time with us!” My excuse was terrible - I resorted to work because it was my coping mechanism. Indeed, they were my very unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am and was embarrassed of my choices and actions.
Now, reader, if you did or if you are currently doing the same thing by being a workaholic, rest assured, you are not alone.
I am so glad to be at my family’s cottage. We come to my family’s cottage every single year in August and this is my twelfth year of attending with my family, with an exception of last year because of the COVID-19 pandemic. I want to tell you that this year, 2021, is my year to reclaim my life! I have decided to start NOW to be the BEST mom to both of my kids. I cannot rewind the past and I cannot sit in the mire of regrets. I refuse to be stuck like a turtle stuck in peanut butter and I also refuse to continue soaking my pillow with tears of sorrow. I am professing it again with love and determination: I will start now because to start fresh is the antidote to be the best mother! The first step I took was apologizing to my kids. I sat them both down and said, “I am so sorry for being the worst mother. You are right. I realized I have been on the phone way too much. I realized I put work before spending time with you. I realized I spent all of my energy on my phone and work, not investing time to play with you. I am sorry. Thank you for being my teachers. Starting now, I want to be the best mom you ever had. Starting now, I will play with both of you because I WANT to, not because for your sake only. I am sorry. Do you forgive me?” By astonishment, both of my children forgave me immediately and without hesitation. They deeply love me for who I am.
And then, I decided to play. I realized that play is very therapeutic. I forget the pressures from work. I forget the past.
This blog post is just the beginning, because I will be writing more about motherhood. My children are teachers and they really taught me about the meaning of life. I have stories to share, and I am excited to share the life lessons I have learned from my kids.
After lots of prayer and time with God, I talked with my devoted husband about my heart and being a mother. I have learned that, overall, I am a good mom, because I took accountability for my mistakes. I was selfish and self-focused. I am a good mom because I showed so much love to my kids. I am a good mom because my daughter has a strong love and relationship with God. My daughter told me, “I learned from you, Mom.” I am a good mom because my son told me, “You are always there and take care of me to make sure I have food, clothes, a bed to sleep in, and you always say, ‘I love you, brown-eyed boy’.” He also asked me if he can read my blog, because I told him I am writing blog posts. I said, “Absolutely. If you read my blog, maybe you will understand me better.” I am a good mom because I forgave myself. I am a good mom, period. My past of wasting my time on devices and work have completely been forgiven. Now, I am walking forward to make sure that I spend quality time with my children and reduce my time on devices. In 6 short years, my son will enter the adult world and I need to be present to prepare him for it. In 10 short years, my daughter will enter the adult world, so I need to educate her and be her inspiration.
Today, I swam with both of my children at the lake. We all laughed and had a great time - I felt amazing allowing myself to play. I wanted to swim because I LOVE how the water feels after I plunge into it. I always feel like a new person. My daughter said, “Jumping into the water washes your sins away!” Wow, what a bright 8 year old daughter I have!
The three takeaways from this blog post are:
Play with your kids. Have fun. You are designed to play!
Pay attention to your kids. They are your teachers.
Be a role model to your kids. They are watching you.
Now, reader, if you miss those three aspects, your children will act out. I know this for a fact because my kids tend to behave horribly when I neglect any of those takeaways. The culprit? They were screaming for attention.
Reader, if you are a parent, please sit in a quiet place and begin to take an inventory for yourself. If you have a journal, please write down all the things you did to play and have fun with your child(ren). When was the last time you really had a good time without looking at your phone or working? With one exception — You can use your phone to take pictures and videos for memories.
Friend, if you do not have kids, not a problem! Find time to play. Do something that is FUN that makes you laugh, smile, and RELAX.
Play should be incorporated in your life DAILY. Play could be just 10 minutes. Play creates memories about how you are enjoying your life. Play is essential. Try it and let me know!
Remember this: Always find time to play. Work and your phone can wait - they will always be there.
Love,
Ana
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